Spring-ish!

Yesterday we had what I anticipate to be our last snow of the winter. It was a reminder to me that sometimes what we prepare ourselves for (8-14") is not what we receive (0.5-2"), and what we actually get is a gift. I had anxiety about the snow, because this winter has been a long one for my brain...I'm feeling frozen, my momentum sapped, and the promise of another layer of white stuff to block out the mud and color of spring was more than my mind could take. So, imagine my surprise, delight, anticipation when it amounted to nothing. Spring is coming. Every vibrant moment of it. I have to embrace it this year, not let it slide by without observation. I get so caught up in regret, mired in refusal to believe in what I have to offer, held in place by fear of failure...and of success. A good friend said to me last night: you have to fire yourself, then rehire yourself with a new start. I think she's right. I am my own enemy. I've been standing in this one place, fretting and steaming, I need to move forward. Or backward. Or, maybe I just need to stand right here and dance...but I need to move either way. When those daffodils who have braved the last few storms, and some late season frigid nights, begin to burst open with their beautiful, creamy yellows, I need to do it to. My first instinct is to say: well, how and what if I can't and who really cares what I have to say/offer and what if no one wants it and, and, and... SO, to avoid that, I'm deciding that everyone cares: and first of all, I care. What I have to offer is good, what I have to say is important and if I can't, then I'll just do something else. And, if I can, and it is scary, I'll let myself be scared until I'm not anymore. So, Spring, bring it on. I may not be exactly ready, but the thaw is here and it's time to move.