Fumbling Fool...and okay with it

The basic idea of the Tarot Card called The Fool, which in most cases shows a man setting off on a journey--often off the side of a cliff--with a pack over his shoulder and an uncertain future, is that approaching life with an open mind is necessary. This open mind, blank slate, or beginner's mind, allows life to flow around you and through you. The slate gets marked by this flow, changed, and the mind grows and develops. I've been working (ha!) at loosening up and considering life as it is vs. how I've always filtered it to be. So, in the beginning of an argument with my husband, I've been trying to stop and recognize that I don't ACTUALLY know his intentions, I just assume I do. Pausing these assumptions doesn't guarantee that they don't come into play during the discussion, but it allows me a second to wipe the slate clean and attempt a fresh starting point for us. The point of this: beginner's mind has been some of my intention lately. Part of my work at releasing self doubt has to do with accepting that it is okay to not be as good as everyone else immediately. This has been a personal challenge for roughly 30 years, so I imagine it won't be a short lesson. I have time. Last night I did something brave: I attended a yoga class alone. My first solo physical class ever. I took yoga a decade ago, but it never became a practice for me. I also took a belly dancing class with a dear friend (the same who led me to the original yoga class), but it never stuck. I am abundantly more cerebral than I am physical...and, I don't like NOT being good at things. I get agitated and irritable if I can't nail something the first or second time I try it. This low tolerance for my own struggle has led to a history of a) giving up or b) hesitation to start in the first place. I will go to classes, learn new things and explore things...if I have a sidekick. Alone, not so much. So, this yoga class was a BIG deal. And, I struggled. I pushed myself, but sometimes I just had to revert back to downward dog and stay there. My shoulders are complaining about it today, but my spirit isn't. I needed to do that. And I needed it to happen the way that it did: I drove past the studio (as I do daily), decided to check their website when I got home, discovered there was a class at 5:30 and went. No fanfare; no weeks of anticipation and planning. And, virtually no TEAM to back me. I had to be alone and sit with the anxiety about it. Today, both my husband and the friend I mentioned earlier told me that they want to go to the class with me. That it sounds great. That it would be really fun to do it together. And, I think I want to continue to do it alone. I want to be in my beginner's body, a Fool in yoga pants, alone.